Trying to become a writer sucks. Like really sucks. And not because writing is hard or trying to get published is hard, but because people suck.
For years, from when I was a teen, possible before I became a teen, I had people in my life who scoffed and said things like “better keep your day job!” Yeah. When I was a kid. And I wonder (and maybe some of you can tell me) if kids who want to pursue other impractical careers like acting or sports star get that too. Do they? Did you?
And as an adult, here is a brief chronology of writing advice I received: “why don’t quit writing so you have more time to clean?” “Well I guess that’ll be something your kids can read.” “You’re going to a writing workshop? How can you leave your kids to go on a vacation?” “Have you thought about substitute teaching?” “Why not go to law school instead of an MFA program?”
Guys, seriously. Like writing and learning to write well isn’t hard enough. Like maintaining the necessary confidence and feelings of self worth while querying and getting rejections isn’t hard enough, like still believing in your craft and your story while getting rejections isn’t hard enough already.
After the sexual assault book came out, many of my nay sayers shifted gears. Like one friend who had discouraged me for years. When talking one day, I told her about a job/career opportunity I was considering. Her reaction? “Won’t that cut into your writing time?” I felt furious. This was someone who, while a friend, had never believed in my writing before, had never considered it a serious pursuit, now advising that I safe guard my writing time.
I remember too the cheerleaders: those who believed in me before there was any sign of publication. My husband, for one. A few good core friends (Danielle, Marquesas, and others) My Dad. And a handful of teachers over the years.
Yes, writing is a long shot. So too is becoming the top/most successful anything: CEO, lawyer, President, the school superintendent. Lots of people pursue careers in fields hoping to one day rise to the top, but never reach that point, settling instead into something comfortable. Not every writer will be JK Rowling, nor are they trying to be. Most writers I talk to love stories and want to share them. Why is a career pursuing that so discouraged?
And believe me, your writer friends already know that writing will be a secondary income at best. You don't have to remind them of that.
Your creative friends and your writing friends need you. Now. Not when they sell the book, when they’re writing it and wondering if it’ll ever be read. They will need you when the rejection letters start coming in.
I know a lot of writers who have stopped writing, and I wonder: how many stopped because of the advice of “friends,” advice like I got?
It’s a hard journey, it takes time. Lots of time. It’s a craft, one that takes years and years to reach a mastery level. Don’t pile rocks on someone’s heavy load. Be the friend who helps to lift up.
My journey isn’t over. I’m still pursuing mastery, I’m still full of stories to tell and unsure of finding an audience. People tend to take my writing more serious now because I have sold two nonfiction books, and so are more supportive/encouraging. But it is the light given when in darkness that shines the brightest. Encourage. Support.
